The Camping Trip Funny Jokes

The Camping Trip

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect lake camping and riding trip. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said ‘Guess who’?” I pulled…

Shoplifting Funny Jokes

Shoplifting

A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a supermarket. She replied, “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store.” The judge asked how many peach pieces were in the can. She replied in…

Alle Oop Funny Jokes

Alle Oop

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens, the horse crashes…

Baseball in Heaven Funny Jokes

Baseball in Heaven

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. “Yes it is, Sol,” whispers Abe’s ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, “So, is there baseball in Heaven?” “Well,” says Abe, “I’ve got good…

Engine Trouble Funny Jokes

Engine Trouble

An airliner en-route to Washington DC was having engine trouble. “Windows frozen, won’t open.” Husband texts back: “Pour some hot water around the edges and then gently tap with a hammer.” The wife texts back five minutes later: “We now…

A Vat of Stout Funny Jokes

A Vat of Stout

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.” “Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth,…

Air Force One Funny Jokes

Air Force One

Air Force One crashed in the middle of a large farm property in rural America. “Sir,” the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. “Did you see this terrible accident happen?” “Yep. Sure did.” The old gent…