Jokes

Story of a man who could not give a convincing explanation about his broken arm. “I was in the bathtub when I heard her scream,” he related, “I thought she was being murdered, so I jumped out of the tub…

Three men are trying to cross a river. The first one prays and says, “Please give me the strength to cross this river.” At that point, she looks at a map, walks down the bank and uses the bridge to…

A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs. Exasperated, the neighbor demanded “Then how did he lose his leg?” The farmer replied, “When you have a pig that good, you…

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball. “Well, what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among…

Homer came home from work one day to find his wife Lisa sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. “Why?” she asked. “I want to see how you are going to live on 800 Dollars a year!”

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There, in the outbacks, he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.

At an airline ticket counter, all of the ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could. The ticket agent turned, picked up the public address system microphone and said calmly, “There is…

A married couple is sleeping soundly.

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this…

As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, the US President strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. The Queen politely turns to the US President and says: “Mr President, please accept my deepest regrets… I am…

A couple was driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. “When do you have time to plow your land? At night?”…

Once at a crossroad, Nasreddin Hodja saw a portly nobleman riding towards him. “Pleased to meet you,” said Hodja. “As to your question, read my mind and proceed.”