Jokes

A bunch of old guys are drinking (heavily) in an old Irish pub and giving out about Putin. (Long silence follows) then – “Well okay, forget about the war so.” “AHA! Afraid of the consequences eh?” “F*ck no, It’s just…

Joe grew up in a small town and then moved away to attend college and law school. “No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes. The…

An extremely agitated and worried man tracks down the Rabbi in the synagogue. A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “I spoke to your wife… spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my…

For many years, Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think €5,000 is enough to donate for the service?” Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary,…

St Peter is doing his shift at Heaven’s Gate. Suddenly there’s a knock. St Peter answers it and there’s a nervous, dishevelled looking man standing outside. One minute later, another knock. It’s the same game: St Peter opens the door,…

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. “Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had…

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. “Will that make me a better gunfighter?” asked the young man. “Sure will,” replied the…

Manoj signed up to learn skydiving in Mysore at the base of the Chamundi Hills. Manoj thinks to himself, “It will be just my luck that the car won’t be there either.”

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. After ordering their cornbread and grits, they talk about the latest addition to their junkyard business. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers…