Jokes

A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.

Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well,…

An old man is eating his lunch in a restaurant when three bikers walk up to him. “He just backed his truck over three motorcycles”

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. The drunk’s wife greets them at the door: “Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where’s his wheel chair?”

The priest says, “Oh heavens, I forgot my lures back on land” and steps out of the boat, walks across the water back to the land, and grabs his lures before walking back to the boat. After a moment the…

Two bachelors are talking and their conversation drifts from politics to cooking. “That animal saved my life twice,” he said “Once I fell into the river and he jumped in and dragged me to the bank Another time my house…

An elderly gentleman had been experiencing serious hearing problems for some years. I’ve changed my will five times!”

He asked the preacher if he could participate in the door-to-door selling of bibles. The preacher believed that divine intervention had occurred He was dumbfounded and had to know the young man’s secret. So the preacher asked the young man…

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. “You rotten bastard,” says the husband, “My wife’s having a heart attack…

A neighborhood kid was looking for ways to earn money. “Okay, mister, I’m done painting But I gotta tell ya, that’s not a Porsche, it’s a Lamborghini.”

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy. This’ll be a breeze” so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so…

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, 1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel…