Jokes

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband,who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.

Two boys were talking and one said to the other, “There is an easy way to get what you want.” The boy then decides to try it on the mailman, “I know your secret!” The mailman opened his arms and…

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful naked woman with a sign that says “If you catch me, you can screw…

An elderly gentleman was telling his friend about a new restaurant he and his wife recently visited.

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks.

Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, “They won’t let us in a restaurant with pets.” “A Chihuahua?” the man says. “Is that what they gave me?

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, “No way, buddy, you’re too drunk.”

A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “You can’t come in here… you have to go to the other place”.

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin.