Jokes

There was an Englishman, a Scottishman and an Irishman swimming in the sea one day when suddenly they were captured by pirates.

One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a s**t. The man said, “I can’t, if I take my hand off it will fly away.” The police officer said, “Let me see…

A Scotsman sits bragging in a bar. “As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all…

Burt lives in Jackson, Wyoming. One morning he wakes up to find a bear on his roof. Then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off,…

A cardiac specialist died. At his funeral, the coffin was placed in front of a huge mockup of a heart made up of flowers.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her…

Claire, a rather well-proportioned woman, decided during her vacation to take a sunbath on the roof of her hotel. “What difference does it make?” Claire asked rather calmly. “No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with…

When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold. “Well, did he give you something to help your cold”? “Sure did!” Mike answered, somewhat enthusiastically. “He told me to drink…

A priest wanted to convince a prostitute to turn respectable. So he met with her one day and began slowly warming up to her.

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy and put out the word. Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.” “Well, why don’t you go home and work…

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life….