The Camping Trip
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect lake camping and riding trip. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said ‘Guess who’?” I pulled…
Three Wishes In The Forest
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don’t like each other. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rides off.
How Old The Dinosaur Bones Are?
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.
A Brief Examination
Ann woke up one morning and discovered her dog Fluffy was not moving. She brought Fluffy to the vet. “Well, that confirms it,” the vet announced. “Your dog is dead.” “How much do I owe you?” Ann sighed. “That will…
Not Hanging Wright
An attorney arrived home late. He had a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. pursued by predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself…
Shoplifting
A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a supermarket. She replied, “I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store.” The judge asked how many peach pieces were in the can. She replied in…
Alle Oop
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens, the horse crashes…
Baseball in Heaven
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. “Yes it is, Sol,” whispers Abe’s ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, “So, is there baseball in Heaven?” “Well,” says Abe, “I’ve got good…
Engine Trouble
An airliner en-route to Washington DC was having engine trouble. “Windows frozen, won’t open.” Husband texts back: “Pour some hot water around the edges and then gently tap with a hammer.” The wife texts back five minutes later: “We now…
A Vat of Stout
Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.” “Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth,…
Air Force One
Air Force One crashed in the middle of a large farm property in rural America. “Sir,” the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. “Did you see this terrible accident happen?” “Yep. Sure did.” The old gent…
Fridays In Hell
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon. Guy: “Gee, that sounds great!” Demon: “You a smoker?” Guy: “You better believe it.” Demon: “All…