A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers… The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation. “That’s incredible,” says the bartender. “I would never have believed it!” “Yeah,” said the guy, “I…
The wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you said hello to them.
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound…
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport. I did what I could. We’ll just have to wait 9 months to see if it’s a girl.
An elderly man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. He thought “Wow, these gals really have it nice.” So a little more boldly he pressed the WA…
An important executive was telling friends at his country club about some of his life experiences: “If it swims, flies, or fxcks, ….lease it, …don’t buy it.”
Fish goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?” At that, the doctor smiles and slaps his knee. “Well that’s your problem!” he exclaims. “Let me write you a prescription for some Marlboros.” The…
A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. “Ah,” replies the tribesman, “Well soon you will be editor-in-chief!”
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day. He made some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. “What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers: “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this…
The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient’s daughter…
A boy comes back from school, disappointed because he got a 0 on a geography exam. She gets a map of the city and can’t find Portugal. “I swear Portugal can’t be far. The maid is from Portugal and she…