funny jokes

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. “He lives in a home with four children –he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I…

One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt.

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. “I would like it infrequently “, she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over…

John hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my wife!” The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about…

One morning when I was going out of the house I met my neighbor’s daughter who was pregnant. “I saw your daughter with her fart in her arms.”

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. “That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a…

A man says to his doctor “Doctor, I have an embarrassing sexual problem” Then after dinner my wife and I generally hit the bed early for a serious session, sometimes two or three.” “I see,” says the doctor, “and what…

A married woman walks up to a doctor and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in love making. The next day, she’s even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills…

A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.

An elderly couple had just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the backyard. In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers…