funny jokes

So he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to many of her friends. “Mum! I gotta whisper, I gotta whisper!” Mum excuses herself and takes Quentin to the bathroom, smiling at…

Suddenly, the captain announces over the public address system, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry to say that I have some bad news. Our engines are malfunctioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. “Oh no! I’m sorry I forgot to…

The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.

After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes. “Yes, I’m sure dear”. Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the Young Woman sitting next to him had enough,…

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the…

“What a wonderful Easter day! Today, I’m so happy, I’ll even be nice to the nuns”, she said. Thanks, Mother You look beautiful, too But it seems like you got up on the wrong side of the bed… The Mother…

The female brain works on a different tangent than the male. Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr Darns said, “George, everything looks great physically. “Thelma,” he said, “George is just fine. Physically he’s great. But I had to call because I’m in awe of his relationship with…

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”