funny jokes

Two men are driving through London when they get pulled over by a cop. The officer does a check on the driver’s license, and he’s O.K.. He gives the man his license back, walks around to the passenger side and…

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. “What? You’re coming empty handed?”

A man walks into a doctor’s practice and sees that the waiting room is packed. “Great,” he says and leaves. “And where did he go?” “He drove to a skyscraper.” “Yes, and then?” “Then he went into the elevator.” “And then?”…

One day Jimmy got home early from school.

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn’t make it…

The new priest in the village, young Father Feever, is coming to visit the Side-bottom household. So Little Sally’s mother gives her daughter some instructions. “Sally-Jane,” replies Sally. “And how old are you, Sally-Jane?” asks the priest. “Seven years old,”…

At the airport for a holiday trip, Marvin and his family settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate C35. Just as they were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s…

Committed bachelor Ravindra decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. Ravindra, having recovered from his shock, says, “For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.” “Ex-wife!” she screams. “I didn’t know you were married…

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting to attend and couldn’t find a parking space. He looks at the license and says, “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing…

A man joins a yachting team. His new teammates inform him, “At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex.” His mate said smiling, “Oh, it was excellent! Your husband…

Little Billy came home from school to see the family’s pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. “Well Dad, I got home…

All passengers sit in the plane, strapped into their seat belts. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the stewardess announces over the intercom that “we’re just waiting for the pilots.” The entire passenger cabin begins screaming but the…