Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken. The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “How did you sleep?” asked the manager. “Never better.”…
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, Man: So then what happened? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some…
A man on a flight to Chicago suddenly found himself having an urgent need to use the bathroom. He carefully pressed the first button marked “WW” and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, “Wow, this…
A 71 year old man is having a drink in a Chicago bar Suddenly a gorgeous 19 year old girl enters and sits down a few seats away. Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her…
A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. “One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller, “I want to open a f*cking checking account.” There is no f*cking problem,” the man says. “I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery &…
An old man calls Pizza Hut to order a pizza… CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut? GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza. CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have. GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta,…
An elderly man came into a shop with a ‘Salesman Wanted’ sign in a window. He went up to the owner & said, “I-I-I w-w-wanna-t the j-joooob-b.” The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles…
I was on a very crowded bus and an old woman with a walker got on. Can you give me as many reasons why you deserve the seat more?” Sadly, only one. I’m the freakin’ driver.”
Little Johnny and a little girl are playing. Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, “I have one of these and you don’t.” “My mother told me,” says the little girl, pulling up her dress, “that with one of…
An Irishman was walking home late at night and saw a woman in the dark shadows. ‘Twenty pounds,’ she whispers. ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ says the cop, ‘I didn’t know.’ ‘Well, neither did I, til ya shined that bloody light in…
A little Johnny got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar backward. The Little boy said, “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear…