An Old Man Boarded An Aeroplane
A man boarded an aeroplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and…
A Man Ordered A Voice Automated Car
A man ordered a voice-automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes. As he and his wife…
Two Old Italian Men Are Sitting On A Bench
Two old Italian men are sitting on a bench arguing about who is the most desirable woman in the world. The first man grabs the newspaper and reads the headline: VIRGINIA PIPELINE LAID BY 5,000 MEN IN 12 MONTHS
Two Dogs In A Vets Waiting Room
Two dogs in a vet’s waiting room. 1st dog is old, grey around the muzzle has a bad limp, and smells bad. ” Well the other day my mistress here was running a bath, she was bending over the bath…
Johnny Passed His Driving Test
Little Johnny had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. The Little Johnny said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that and I’ve noticed in…
Quick! Give Me A Pint Of Lager!
A Man Rushes Into A Bar And Says, “Quick! Give me a pint of lager!” No sooner does he finish that drink, than he orders a whisky and slams it down.
Three Men Died on Christmas
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into Heaven.” The third man…
A Wife Went To Doctor
A wife from Montana had an appointment with her doctor to ask for advice on how to treat her husband’s lack of sex drive. A week later, the lady called the doctor. “Oh my lord!” she wailed, “Terrible! Just terrible.”…
A Lady Finds Out That She Is Pregnant
A lady finds out that she is pregnant, but she is worried. He husband has anger management issues, yells a lot, breaks things, really horrible to be around. The due date arrives, no sign of the birth. A few days…
A Jealous Husband
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted a video of his wife’s activities. He saw the man and his wife participate in…
A Woman Accidentally Farts
A woman goes into a tackle shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. “It’s a good all-around combination…
80 Year Old Lady Goes For A Birthday Drink
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today…”…