funny jokes

His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you’ve got a great life with your wife and kids. I yelled at her: ‘Why did you do that, are you out of your mind?’ She turned her back…

Tony and Julie participated in a Marriage Encounter Weekend.

The husband comes home from work in the evening. He sits down in his favorite chair, turns on the TV, and says to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts.” Don’t you realize that I cook and…

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. The man agrees. “You are an accountant for the government,” says the shepherd. “Amazing!” responds the man. “You are exactly right!…

A farmer inspects his watermelon patch. He discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

A woman was reading the ads in the local newspaper. One caught her attention – it read: “Purebred Police Dog $25.”

There was an Englishman, a Scottishman and an Irishman swimming in the sea one day when suddenly they were captured by pirates.

One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a s**t. The man said, “I can’t, if I take my hand off it will fly away.” The police officer said, “Let me see…

A Scotsman sits bragging in a bar. “As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all…

Burt lives in Jackson, Wyoming. One morning he wakes up to find a bear on his roof. Then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off,…

A cardiac specialist died. At his funeral, the coffin was placed in front of a huge mockup of a heart made up of flowers.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her…