funny jokes

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day, the director went up to an old Indian. An old Indian said, “Tomorrow storm.” The next day there was a sandstorm.

Two Irishmen, Paddy and Ryan, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Ryan looked disgustedly…

Alastair MacDonald from Scotland went to enroll at an English university. “Oh Alastair, poor bairn of mine! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?” “Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just…

Richard was lounging at home in the late afternoon. All of a sudden his pager beeped, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an emergency surgeon. The doctor replies, “Try to come home at 3 in the morning.” One…

Nasreddin Hodja was boasting about the power of his faith. If the mountain will not come to The Hodja, then The Hodja will go to the mountain.”

Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations. Theirs will be first on the schedule. “Whoa!” the smaller boy replies. “Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a…

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?” Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I…

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. Pharmacist: “All kinds.” Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?” Pharmacist: “Definitely.” Jacob: “How about Viagra?” Pharmacist: “Of course.” Jacob: “Medicine for memory?” Pharmacist: “Yes, a large…

A woman appealed to the Governor about getting her husband out of the penitentiary. “Well, Governor, we’ve been out of ham for quite a spell now.”

A New Age musician from California is convinced that wild animals have a friendly, loving nature, which will respond to beautiful music. The other animals are furious. “Look here, you idiot,” roars the lion. “We were enjoying that!” The crocodile…

John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn. “Don’t worry,” John said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first…