jokes

Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations. Theirs will be first on the schedule. “Whoa!” the smaller boy replies. “Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a…

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?” Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I…

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. Pharmacist: “All kinds.” Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?” Pharmacist: “Definitely.” Jacob: “How about Viagra?” Pharmacist: “Of course.” Jacob: “Medicine for memory?” Pharmacist: “Yes, a large…

A woman appealed to the Governor about getting her husband out of the penitentiary. “Well, Governor, we’ve been out of ham for quite a spell now.”

A New Age musician from California is convinced that wild animals have a friendly, loving nature, which will respond to beautiful music. The other animals are furious. “Look here, you idiot,” roars the lion. “We were enjoying that!” The crocodile…

John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn. “Don’t worry,” John said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first…

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. He said, “Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.” The third night was…

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.

A man walks into a bar, orders a drink and proceeds to laugh out loud for about two minutes.

Santa was traveling in a train. The ticket collector came and asked him to show his ticket. The T.C. asked again, “Suppose someone picks both your pockets, what happens?” Santa said with a smile, “I have a concessional monthly pass…

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were present. One finally ran up, panting heavily. I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles,…