jokes

Joke1: You See The Arrows Paddy – way off the legal limit – leaves the pub, staggers to his car and heads towards home. Her mom says, “Well go get daddy, he’ll help you put it back.” Lilly hops on…

Having breakfast, Lionel asks his wife Marge with a smug grin on his face… He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player known for his lack of IQ. He turned to…

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. The speaker said, “They fit perfectly!”…

A nice-looking young woman walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He takes the photo, looks at it closely and nods. “Ah yes, I didn’t realize you had a prescription!”

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church’s board following the close of the service. “Well, thank you,” the pastor replied, “but why?” “Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest…

Paddy’s friend is hit by a car so he phones for an ambulance. Operator: “Sir, can you hear me?” Repeated and repeated until…. Operator in panic mode: “Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?” Paddy: “Sorry bout dat……

Nasreddin Hodja was lying in the shade of an ancient walnut tree. His body was at rest, but, befitting his calling as an imam, his mind did not relax. Should not walnuts grow on weakly vines and pumpkins on sturdy…

Emma and George are having a heated argument. George finally blurts out, “You know what? You’re not that great in bed anyway!”

Old man Ambrose passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. Helen answered. “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone.”…

The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. “There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a…

Gabe and Fred, two old friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. Then he said, “For crying out loud Gabe, what in the world happened to you?” Gabe replied,…

After a long day at the office, Chris came home one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead. Chris panicked! “Oh. Uhmm… Sorry to hear that. What happened?” Chris…