His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa” The father realized that his daughter could predict the family deaths and that this was no…
A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree: “But what’s that shotgun for?” “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla.” The man said. “Shoot the Chihuahua.”
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.
The first surgeon said, “I like operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order”. One of them asked why. The fourth surgeon replied, “Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their. and head are interchangeable.”
A blind man went to a restaurant. “Menu sir?” asked the owner. “I’m blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks. I will smell it and order.” He then goes to the man and gives him the fork. The…
One day in the hospital, two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room. “A circumcision.” The first kid replies woefully. The second kid says “Wow! I had that done when I was…
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. Dr. Young: “Aaagh! This is Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be…
A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the menus. Caller: “Yes, I sure do.” Agent: “OK, now press Control-A.” Caller: “I am, but nothing happens.”…
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade,…
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbors but didn’t like each other much. In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it. “Let’s change places…