jokes

At the airport for a holiday trip, Marvin and his family settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate C35. Just as they were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s…

Committed bachelor Ravindra decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. Ravindra, having recovered from his shock, says, “For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.” “Ex-wife!” she screams. “I didn’t know you were married…

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting to attend and couldn’t find a parking space. He looks at the license and says, “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing…

A man joins a yachting team. His new teammates inform him, “At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex.” His mate said smiling, “Oh, it was excellent! Your husband…

Little Billy came home from school to see the family’s pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. “Well Dad, I got home…

All passengers sit in the plane, strapped into their seat belts. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the stewardess announces over the intercom that “we’re just waiting for the pilots.” The entire passenger cabin begins screaming but the…

Day 1 All packed for the cruise ship – all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband. Day 5…

A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. He says, “Actually, it didn’t cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue…

It was a cold winter day when old man Bennett walked out onto the frozen lake. He cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. You’ve been here only a few…

Ralph is driving home one evening, thinking of nothing in particular. Suddenly he realizes that it’s his daughter’s birthday and he hasn’t bought her a present. “That’s obvious,” the saleslady says. “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s…

After forty years of hard work, an old carpenter dies and goes to heaven. “Why are you all excited?” So Peter tells him the whole story: an old carpenter, who worked hard for forty years, and never did any harm…

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in hospital. This started another round of complaining, but eventually, he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,…